For the rest of the day I got on with things around the roundhouse, fed the deer and pottered about in the rhododendrons looking for squirrel. In the afternoon I visited Donkey’s cremation site and threw some flowers into the water. I knew I could not be in control of the movements of things and that was alright, it was really alright. A great peace came into my mind as I squatted by the river, a deep acceptance of what is. Just as the water flowed I was content to be with the river of life. Tomorrow I would leave, all that needed to happen here for now was done. I had an enormous amount to assimilate and my place for that was amongst the circumstances of my life and the people of my life. ‘Thank you’ I said out loud to the space, ‘Thank you for my life, for all its parts, for the people, for the experience and for you. It is utterly amazing and utterly perfect.’
Just as the sunset radiance was beginning to build in the sky Ram came and joined me at the riverside sitting silently beside me. I closed my eyes and was acutely aware of the sound of the bubbling water, the taste of the air entering my nose and the presence of my Guru by my side.
“Describe how you are feeling Amelia.”
“Open, happy and unconcerned.”
“And how is your mind?”
“Spacious, free and content.”
“And in your body?”
“Alive, fizzing with subtle ecstasy.”
“How does the space appear to you?”
“Bright, magnificent and fresh.”
“And how is your heart?”
“Loving and full, not alone.”
“Where is your edge Amelia?”
“I don’t know.”
“What is your biggest, most overriding sensation?”
“Intimacy.”
“What is the river?”
“This intimacy.”
“And your skin?”
“This intimacy.”
“And your senses?”
“This intimacy.”
“What do you want to do now?”
“Whatever happens.”
“This is God, Amelia, this is God. You need no Samadhi beyond this, this is God.”
For the last time that evening we sat in the temple and chanted. Ram had brought garlands and told me to sit on the platform as he sang and rang his bell. There was nothing serious about it and it became hilarious and wonderful fun.
“The temple has been waiting for a new goddess,” said Ram, “and you are my goddess after all, Amelia.” He threw flowers over me, sprinkled me with water and then drew me into his skipping, gyrating, clapping dance. We hugged, laughed like children and then walked along the river in the moonlight and talked happily about little things; my feelings for him, his feelings for me, funny memories from all the years of sadhana, anecdotes and adventures. Back at the roundhouse there was one last thing on my mind; it had been catching my attention at times over the last few days and now came forward like a footnote to my whole experience.
“I have only one question now,” said I.
“Wow!” said Ram, “only one! What is it?”
“If my mind is an instrument, whose instrument is it?”
“Beautiful Amelia, that’s perfect because the answer to that is the only answer I want to give you now. It is the ‘Dharshan of the Witness’, the master sadhana that I mentioned to you. For that, you need some more life to pass through you and we need some new arrangements between us. Bowslip is very large, you know, there are landscapes you have yet to see. When you are ready to come again we will travel and discover new things.”
“Okay,” said I, “that’s fine by me” and it really was; I was content